In basic terms, your story works and is readable. The soundtrack for the animatic doesn’t work at all! I can only assume this is a placeholder? It’s difficult to discern a coherent visual style at play here – and it does feel as if everyone has been invited to have a go, when it’s surely time for one person to pull everything together visually to ensure you’ve got a convincing world?
I don’t understand why the characters gets hit with a random football kicked by a stranger? I can see that you’re using this to move the boy’s age along, but I’m pretty sure there’s a better means of transitioning him than this.
The action, as expressed by your animatic, is much too choppy and fast. I’m sure this is more indicative of the limitations of your animatic than your actual intentions towards the film. Essentially, you’re making a bit of a tear-jerker, so think about a more reflective, elegiac pace. – PG
Overall this OGR feels like it’ at a tipping point that could go either way depending upon the group’s willingness to address a few fundamental problems before moving in to 3D. At the moment your animatic is ‘choppy’ and slightly erratic with what seems a mismatch of storytelling styles. This is not helped by an unnecessary fast pace. That said I can see the core story trying to come through. With another editing pass, a slowing down of the pace, and the reworking of some scenes (football for example) you could have the emotional story you are looking for. I would also suggest focusing your efforts on unifying your design work, currently there is one style for the characters and one for the environments. Both of these have their own good qualities but it unlikely they can exist in the same universe. Finally the submission is a little ‘light’ in some areas and as a group and as individuals I’d recommend assessing your overall contributions to the project.
With the changes in place and issues addressed – Greenlight - AP
Flyswat Studios
ReplyDeleteIn basic terms, your story works and is readable. The soundtrack for the animatic doesn’t work at all! I can only assume this is a placeholder? It’s difficult to discern a coherent visual style at play here – and it does feel as if everyone has been invited to have a go, when it’s surely time for one person to pull everything together visually to ensure you’ve got a convincing world?
I don’t understand why the characters gets hit with a random football kicked by a stranger? I can see that you’re using this to move the boy’s age along, but I’m pretty sure there’s a better means of transitioning him than this.
The action, as expressed by your animatic, is much too choppy and fast. I’m sure this is more indicative of the limitations of your animatic than your actual intentions towards the film. Essentially, you’re making a bit of a tear-jerker, so think about a more reflective, elegiac pace. – PG
Overall this OGR feels like it’ at a tipping point that could go either way depending upon the group’s willingness to address a few fundamental problems before moving in to 3D. At the moment your animatic is ‘choppy’ and slightly erratic with what seems a mismatch of storytelling styles. This is not helped by an unnecessary fast pace. That said I can see the core story trying to come through. With another editing pass, a slowing down of the pace, and the reworking of some scenes (football for example) you could have the emotional story you are looking for. I would also suggest focusing your efforts on unifying your design work, currently there is one style for the characters and one for the environments. Both of these have their own good qualities but it unlikely they can exist in the same universe. Finally the submission is a little ‘light’ in some areas and as a group and as individuals I’d recommend assessing your overall contributions to the project.
With the changes in place and issues addressed – Greenlight - AP